My thoughts on... · Writings

Chasing Dreams

(I still can’t think of a proper title for this entry)

In order to achieve something you want, you must work hard to attain it. Keep going until it is close enough for you to reach.

What if you keep trying and you’ve been putting all your efforts yet it still seems too far? You keep trying and trying, and eventually you get tired. Will you give up? Or will you carry on?

Letting go of something does not mean you haven’t tried enough or you did not give it your best shot. You did. But there are some things that are never meant for us. That no matter how hard we try and put in all the effort, things will not work out.

For some, they work hard to keep whatever they have. As to others, they have to chase after that something. However, if that something is not meant for us, it will never be given to us. If you are already in possession of that something, you can’t keep holding on to it if it is never meant to stay. Eventually, you’ll have to let go.

Based on my experience, I realized that everything really happens for a reason. It is tough to let go of something, especially your dreams. But giving up on some things may lead to something extraordinary. Sometimes, more than you can imagine. Blessings you never asked for. And as time went by, I realized that for the first time, everything is falling into place.

There was a time in my life where I was so helpless. It was the time after high school when I was trying to get in to University or College (however you want to call it). I had my life planned out. Then one day when my plan did not go as I wanted, everything shattered. I felt that my life is being torn apart. At that moment, I felt empty. Like I no longer need to exist. I’m useless. I felt alone. But I still tried to keep it together. Because I realized that it was a lesson for me. That maybe I need to give my very best shot and put more effort. So I did. I went upgrading to raise my grades. Everything was going well. Slowly, I was putting back together the shattered pieces of myself. My grades improved. I thought that finally, everything is falling into place. But that’s only what I thought.

I cried every night. I asked so many questions. Why do some things never work out no matter how hard I try? Was I being punished? Do I need to add more effort? Is this a test? Is everything only a dream?

I really don’t understand. I gave my very best shot. I was frustrated about my life. Again, I felt the emptiness and the worthlessness of my existence. I was asking myself multiple times “what is the point of living if I don’t follow my dreams?”  I was on the brink of giving up. But then I realized there are still other ways to go back to my path so I cannot give up. I have to choose. Either to chase after my dreams where there is no guarantee or take a chance on something close to my dream where there is certainty?

Sometimes, we have to be content and settle to a dream that is close for the meantime. And when time permits, we can pursue our lifelong dream. It may take longer, but it is possible.

I questioned life’s fairness multiple times. But right now, I think it is safe to say that life is indeed fair. Even if we have planned things out for ourselves, it may never work out because some things are just never meant for us to possess. That even our very best is never good enough. We have to give up chasing after something or someone for us to see beyond our perspective. Something more or greater is waiting for us. We just have to let things flow naturally.

“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.”

I thought my dreams shattered. I thought it was hopeless. However, I realized that at times, life surprises us with gifts    in which, we may or may not be aware of    that make our hearts flutter. We meet new people, make new friends, gain new experiences. And as time goes by, we mature and we grow more as individuals.

Now I understand. It’s as if the universe is trying to tell me something. There are several reasons why my life did not work out the way I wanted it to be. And putting these reasons altogether may lead to something more definite. I believe that one day I will eventually grasp everything. I will stop asking questions. Because the answer I have been waiting for has finally arrived.


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